pic stolen from H8, and i make no apologies.

^LoL.

Usually basketball bores my pants off (WOW you’re 7 feet tall and you can dunk. Not impressed). It’s not a physical enough game for me. But I decided to do my duty as a Black man this year and watch the Final Four. I seriously hate the time in between NFL seasons, luckily the UFC upped the number of fights it schedules and one of my 8 thousand cable channels shows lots of PrideFC. I’ve played my share of ball, but my style of ‘playing’ usually ends up in fights. Anyways, the best part about basketball–clearly–is someone (that isn’t you) getting dunked on. The second best part is when someone takes a picture of it and puts it online.

Congrats to Kansas, and my condolences to Joey Dorsey (#3) and his family for not only getting bammed on and losing, but being immortalized on the internets. The internets don’t go away Joey.

Kids, practice your free throws. Chalmers for three!

 I often wonder think about how wonderful it must be to be obliviously ignorant. This is not to say that I am all-knowing by any stretch, but I like to think of myself on the right side of the bell curve with regards to intelligence. I think people age quicker when they’re paying attention, as i found a grey (gray?) hair right on the top of my dome the other day. Next step: arthritis and depends.

I suspect I could become a recluse, living completely off the grid in some mountain cabin somewhere. Maybe then I could re-enter society with a better overall grasp on everything. Or, instead of reaching some type of higher enlightenment a la Walden Ponds’ philosophical powers via Thoreau, i’d completely lose my already frail grip on reality and begin mailing bombs to people like Ted Kaczynski to ’start the revolution.’

Anywhere my eyes happen to settle these days I’m reminded of the pointlessness of 99.9% of the things that occur on a daily basis, and how stupid we are for analyzing the occurences–then analyzing that analysis, then arguing about the validity of the analyses. I’m waiting for some guest speaker on a late-night cable politics show to just go ‘this is fucking pointless,’ and watch Bill O’Reilly or some other idiot try and scramble to save face. Perhaps that’s why they have that fancy time-delay thingy. Weaksauce.

Perhaps people can see the disdain on my face, as they are carrying on in depth conversations about whether or not they should upsize their rims to 22’s with their stimulus check, because 20’s just aren’t cutting it anymore. Seriously? I should think with those three kids that look like you, you could find better use than putting $3500 shiny wheels on your $1500 car. Maybe you should put your kids in a better schools so they can get some attention and positive influence. I’d really hate for them little snot-nosed shits to rob me in 10 years.

You know those jeans that idiots like to wear hanging off their asses? I often see grown men waddling down 63rd street in what MUST be a huge task considering they are unable to take a full step. It must be nice to be so unconcerned with reality that you don’t even have to walk correctly or have your ass out all day and not give a shit. What a closed-end genetic cul-de-sac we humans are.

 If annoyance stinks, I’m the stinkiest asshole on the planet.

Does anyone else kinda laugh to themselves when they walk past the makeup isles at the store? Well, I do. I call them ‘Aisles of Lies’, because that’s exactly what they are. I try to convince myself that not all women are idiots, and that they know that they will never look like the models in the ads. But then again, everyday theres someone famous for apparently being good-looking talking about some kind of creme that makes hideous she-donkeys into super models. I know people are generally malleable and stupid, but damn! I’d like to stand in the lie aisles and just inform the ugly women to give up on the ‘attractive’ thing. Even good looking women feel compelled to spend their money of on face paint in order to look like…i dunno…someone else? Seriously, grow up and get some self esteem.

Sadly, my employer will not pay me for that type of community service–which is near tragic for the population since we have to look at ugly people PLUS all the makeup they have caked on their unfortunate faces.

The ‘cosmetic’ industry is worth BILLIONS and is built on false promises, personal insecurities, and exaggerated claims— much like the Catholic Church. Part of me thinks that the suuUuUuuper uglies should just remove themselves from society, and the other part of me thinks that people shouldn’t give a shit WHAT I think and just do what they want.

Regardless, I don’t think that TV, movies, and magazines should do everything they can to make women feel uglier and fatter than they really are to make profits for their sponsors.

disclaimer: The only reason it bothers me is because I aint making any money off of it. Dammit.

disclaimer #2: Some broads actually NEED it.

^gat damn.

madonna?

bleh!

bleh!

^winner (loser?)

damn.

on second thought, hit the lie aisle ladies.

Please.

to be fair, here’s me without my morning routine:

^a quitter, but still fukin’ LOADED.

So it looks like the presidential race is shaping up to be much like I originally assumed (with the notable exceptions that a) McCain is still alive and b) The Aliens have not landed to reclaim their most eccentric spy Mike Huckabee. Reality caught up with ol’ Rudolph, and it looks like Romney finally realized how much of his worth he’s spent and quit. He still took the opportunity of him being a bitch to slide in a ‘the terrorists will win if a Democrat is elected’…classy.

I am, however, pleasantly pleased at the schism that is is widening within the Republican party with regards to their candidates. Why am I pleased? Well, conflict equals entertainment for me–especially when both sides are equally retarted.

The Jesus freaks (i think the media calls them ‘the religious right’) hate John McCain because he doesn’t say ‘jesus church terrorists illegal mexicans sanctityoflife 9/11 christian values’ nearly enough, and the Moderate Republicans seem to be much more Centrist now more than ever as they appear to just be realizing that their ‘Christian values’ might not be the best set of working knowledge of which to try and run a governments’ foreign policy or manage a 13 trillion dollar economy.

I think McCain has too much working knowledge of the government for the Jesus Freaks to like him. They really don’t care what you plan to do about anything outside of their 3 or 4 talking points. Address anything outside of that and you’ll get blank stares. The biggest problem with McCain for Conservatives is that he agrees with Democrats too much and talks about Jesus too little, and we ALL know that logical compromise is not a widely accepted quality in the Republican party. A pseudo-compromise for most Republicans usually involves a backhoe and President Reagans’ reanimated corpse (sorry freaks, we do NOT have the technology to rebuild him–yet). But hey, maybe if you quit blocking genetic research!