1) John McCain is old and crazy. I actually don’t dislike this dude, but—-his senility is showing. Its not stupidity, just that unavoidable entropy is clearly taking a toll on his excessively wrinkled brain. You can’t spend years in a POW camp and come back firing on all cylinders. I don’t think he knows what ‘economics’ means, he’s 322, and finally my lady tells me that he wears makeup.

2) I will never, ever, eVAR go to the Power & White District again. It must have been a couple of months ago that I went, and just remembered how lamesauce that shit was. Stayed at that bowling alley for maybe 30 minutes. Look, I enjoy being around drunken White people as much as most people do–but I still don’t feel comfortable in a place specifically designed to repel minorities. Omnipresent blaring country music? Blatantly bigoted dress codes that are selectively enforced? 800 over-priced Irish Pubs? No thanks. If you happen to see me there, I have been kidnapped by rednecks. Don’t just stare, help bitch!

I’m not a child nor am I a rapper, so none of these apply to me. However, they do apply to plenty of people I know who don’t exactly qualify as thugs. I think the part that’s getting these bigots in trouble is that they reeeeaally don’t care if stan-ass-johnson county White kids are wearing this stuff, which I saw in spades on my last voyage down there. Can you even say ’spades’ down there? Doubtful.

This will inevitably lead to the downfall of the Power & White profitability, and I’ll show you how:

   1. Actual thug-ass Black dudes attract suburban White broads with money, thus ensuring that their powerless fathers will be infuriated and thereby cementing their ‘rebellious’ phase completion. Hooray!

  2. Suburban White girls with money attract suburban white dudes with money, who buy up the bar after they spot Shirley/Susan/Mary/Amanda/Jill/etc in the corner grinding hard on Tyrone. Nothing cures heartache like 300% marked-up liquor. Drink the pain away!

3. Causality shows us that limiting the supply of Black dudes will invariably limit the overall White attendance in the Power & White, making profit margins slimmer and slimmer. This is the beginning of the end.

Can’t argue with science!

….oh wait, Kansas argues with science…dammit.

 I almost boycotted the UFC last week.

 OK..so my boycott threat was only forealsies for about 10 seconds after the decision went in Forrest’s favor, but that was a pretty hostile 10 seconds. I went to Buffalo Wild Wings over on the Kansas side to watch the fight, mainly surrounded by Forrest fans. Obviously, I was pulling for Rampage and seemed to me and anyone else with eyes that he was shafted.

I haven’t booed that loud since the last time I went to church.

I never wanted the UFC to start becoming a popularity contest, with Dana White pulling the strings behind who holds the belts. I still think yts are mad that Dana’s golden boy Liddell got knocked out by our boy Rampage last year and has been itching to get Forrest the title in there for some time.

(sigh)

Let’s hope Dana hurries up and sets up Rampage vs Forrest II: “The Black Attack” or whatever campy slogan is left to title it..

 Whatever. At least I still have Anderson Silva to watch.

 Muay Thai, FTW!

 I often wonder think about how wonderful it must be to be obliviously ignorant. This is not to say that I am all-knowing by any stretch, but I like to think of myself on the right side of the bell curve with regards to intelligence. I think people age quicker when they’re paying attention, as i found a grey (gray?) hair right on the top of my dome the other day. Next step: arthritis and depends.

I suspect I could become a recluse, living completely off the grid in some mountain cabin somewhere. Maybe then I could re-enter society with a better overall grasp on everything. Or, instead of reaching some type of higher enlightenment a la Walden Ponds’ philosophical powers via Thoreau, i’d completely lose my already frail grip on reality and begin mailing bombs to people like Ted Kaczynski to ’start the revolution.’

Anywhere my eyes happen to settle these days I’m reminded of the pointlessness of 99.9% of the things that occur on a daily basis, and how stupid we are for analyzing the occurences–then analyzing that analysis, then arguing about the validity of the analyses. I’m waiting for some guest speaker on a late-night cable politics show to just go ‘this is fucking pointless,’ and watch Bill O’Reilly or some other idiot try and scramble to save face. Perhaps that’s why they have that fancy time-delay thingy. Weaksauce.

Perhaps people can see the disdain on my face, as they are carrying on in depth conversations about whether or not they should upsize their rims to 22’s with their stimulus check, because 20’s just aren’t cutting it anymore. Seriously? I should think with those three kids that look like you, you could find better use than putting $3500 shiny wheels on your $1500 car. Maybe you should put your kids in a better schools so they can get some attention and positive influence. I’d really hate for them little snot-nosed shits to rob me in 10 years.

You know those jeans that idiots like to wear hanging off their asses? I often see grown men waddling down 63rd street in what MUST be a huge task considering they are unable to take a full step. It must be nice to be so unconcerned with reality that you don’t even have to walk correctly or have your ass out all day and not give a shit. What a closed-end genetic cul-de-sac we humans are.

 If annoyance stinks, I’m the stinkiest asshole on the planet.

Does anyone else kinda laugh to themselves when they walk past the makeup isles at the store? Well, I do. I call them ‘Aisles of Lies’, because that’s exactly what they are. I try to convince myself that not all women are idiots, and that they know that they will never look like the models in the ads. But then again, everyday theres someone famous for apparently being good-looking talking about some kind of creme that makes hideous she-donkeys into super models. I know people are generally malleable and stupid, but damn! I’d like to stand in the lie aisles and just inform the ugly women to give up on the ‘attractive’ thing. Even good looking women feel compelled to spend their money of on face paint in order to look like…i dunno…someone else? Seriously, grow up and get some self esteem.

Sadly, my employer will not pay me for that type of community service–which is near tragic for the population since we have to look at ugly people PLUS all the makeup they have caked on their unfortunate faces.

The ‘cosmetic’ industry is worth BILLIONS and is built on false promises, personal insecurities, and exaggerated claims— much like the Catholic Church. Part of me thinks that the suuUuUuuper uglies should just remove themselves from society, and the other part of me thinks that people shouldn’t give a shit WHAT I think and just do what they want.

Regardless, I don’t think that TV, movies, and magazines should do everything they can to make women feel uglier and fatter than they really are to make profits for their sponsors.

disclaimer: The only reason it bothers me is because I aint making any money off of it. Dammit.

disclaimer #2: Some broads actually NEED it.

^gat damn.

madonna?

bleh!

bleh!

^winner (loser?)

damn.

on second thought, hit the lie aisle ladies.

Please.

to be fair, here’s me without my morning routine: