^stimulus money well spent.

What do you plan on doing with your stimulus check? I’m assuming, of course, that you are actually going to receive one as a taxpayer. If you aren’t a taxpayer, then you probably don’t have a job…and if you don’t have a job..well, you have other issues and none of this shit applies to you now does it?

I think I’m going to actually do the opposite of what the Administration wants me to do with this failed attempt of economic recovery. There are a lot of people who I know who have already earmarked that money to engage in the most useless of economic stimuli, conspicuous consumption. There are going to be LOTS of new gators and fancy suits purchased. Lots of new rims and stereo systems, and I think barflies are going to order more expensive cognacs than they usually do. Jigs will be balling out of control for approximately one calendar week.

What’s funny is that all that useless spending is exactly what people are betting on. You’ll blow through that money buying shit that you don’t need–millions of citizens tripping over each other to hurry and give the money right back to the same group of idiots. I’m going to try and be on the other side of the financial information equation in that I want to invest/save the money. Recessions are an inevitable part of the business cycle, and often it’s needed to clear out the market imperfections in any normally functioning capitalist economy. Hilariously, people are holding to the textbook definition that we need ‘two consecutive periods of negative economic growth,’ which means you don’t know you’re in a recession until you’re in one. Well F what you heard, we’re in one. So you basically have two options.

1) Be a good little consumer-bitch and give the money back.

2) Pretend you have an ounce of common sense and preserve your ability to cause economic leakages and save that money. Start a Roth IRA. Put a decent portfolio together of stocks together and make that cash make more cash. If you can read and have over 100 IQ points between your ears, you can beat the market. Most large cap stocks are essentially on sale right now. You can’t make money any easier (well, without a strong pimp hand and a team of hoe-ass-hoes at least), since these stocks will inevitably pick back up on the other side of the recession. This is what rich people have been doing forever and it’s part of the reason that they are a part of the leisure class. These people live off of interest, bond coupon payments, and dividends–that’s the world I want a part of.

I know that most people will choose option one, and be perfectly happy that they did. What I’m hoping is that we start to shift this nation’s priorities from ‘consumption is king’, into promoting saving. People spend so much time trying to impress others with expensive shit that they really can’t afford it’s perplexing. Amazing how only a few people are paying attention to the erosion of the middle class and the widening gaps between rich as hell and broke as fuck. I guess my only question is:

Do people really want to win, or just look good losing?

The more that I peruse some of the KC conservative rightwingretarded blogs, I’m struck by their insistence on placing Rudolph G as the ‘frontrunner’ of the Republican party–even outside of the fact that it’s clear his campaign is falling apart. I’ve tried to use 100% of my flawless logic skills to figure out why these people LOVE Rudy so much. Sadly, my narcolepsy acts up whenever I think of this dude too much in one sitting. Therefore, I only used about 3% of my brainpower to come up with the simplist, most appropriate solution (which coincidentally is about as much brainpower as most conservatives use on a daily basis) to this obsession with him: 9/11. Rudy has become the FACE, the EMBODIMENT, the HUMAN REPRESENTATION of September 11th.

You show me an uberconservative, right-wing, rural Republican–and I’ll show you someone who: 1) Has never been to New York City (much less the state) 2) Never heard of Rudolph until September 11th 2001. 3) Still believes IRAQ flew planes into the buildings. But since these people have been unable to process the shitty events of that day, they try and maintain the closest connection with the event as possible. Enter Rudolph. The blind support defies conventional logic and reason..he’s a mayor for sciences’s sake.

Maybe they look at him and see Jack Bauer.

 Terrorism includes the exploitation and promotion of fear, and some of you morons are still falling for this shit.

Here I am wasting all my time trying to weed thru the empty presidential candidate promises, half-truths, and misinformation to pick someone I could support—and it turns out the decision has already been made for me.

That’s right. Walker Texas Ranger has spoken. Now, I’m fully aware of how utterly ridiculous ‘President Huckabee’ sounds–but have you ever been kicked in the face? Let us never forget who really runs shit.

 ^ ha!

Oh man, it’s on once again. I usually watch the UFC on PPV for free because there’s usually some local bar or casino that’s showing the fight, but this time is different. Santa brought me huge Sharp Aquos LCD (suck it!) and a HD feed, and i’m having some like-minded violent associates over to watch the awesomocity commence. The casino restaurants (in KC at least) are insanely crowded hours before the fights start and they started making you spend AT LEAST $30 per person in your party recently, which effectively ruins our usual plan of hogging 20 chairs and only getting waters. Capitalist assholes.

Anyway, I never thought that Chuck Liddell would be relegated to what amounts to an undercard, but with two consecutive losses and no championship at stake–you get what you get. I still love watching the dude fight (knockout punching power from impossible angles, flawless takedown defense), but he’s pushing 40 and has clearly lost his dominance. I’ve been a fan of Wanderlei Silva for a while since I’ve been a PRIDE fan for all those years when the UFC was just fat brawlers with no skill. Dude is a maniac–but he’s on a downturn as well.  I think if Liddell can establish ring control and keep Wanderlei at a distance, the odds are in his favor. Exactly the opposite for Wanderlei, because Liddell loses fights when he’s on the defensive against unorthodox fighters (see Rampage).

I’m much more psyched about the main event, mainly because I want to see GSP knock Matt Hughes out again. Outside of Anderson Silva, GSP is the most complete fighter in MMA today. He has this fluid nature to his strikes that look so effortless but them shits are on point every time. More importantly, Matt Hughes’ personality annoys me, and I don’t think wrestlers deserve do be considered martial artists.

Man I can’t wait! (It better be great, because this HD PPV shit aint cheap,)

I truly hope you and your circus freak-looking family had a good Christmas–complete with your Aunts’ questionable casserole, the awkward accidental outing of you and your ‘friend’ from college, and Santa bringing you absolutely nothing you asked for. Be grateful to whomever you pray to that you’re actually still alive for some ridiculous reason, and that you can try again in the ‘08 to do all the idealistic shit that you said you were gonna do in ‘07.

I hope maybe this year you can actually become a productive member of this idiot nation, maybe not just another mindless automoton. Hopefully you didn’t spend your kids’ diaper money on presents at the last minute for people you really don’t care too much about like you did last Christmas.

I hope everyone can step away from the daily nonsense of life and appreciate the small shit during this time of year. Seems kinda stupid idealistic, I know, because the probability that someone within a mile radius from me right now is getting robbed or shot is very high.

I hope Santa brought Dick Cheney a soul and Coondelezza Rice got some of her Blackness back.

I hope you don’t get too drunk on New Years Eve and start ‘08 off with a DWI.

I hope the Democrats in Congress got some testicular fortitude.

I kinda look at the end of each year like a giant reset button. No matter how bad you screwed things up this year, just pretend like you can reset and try again Jan 1. Luckily for me and my flawless logic, mistakes are impossibly unrealistic.

Happy Holidays, bitches.