^a quitter, but still fukin’ LOADED.

So it looks like the presidential race is shaping up to be much like I originally assumed (with the notable exceptions that a) McCain is still alive and b) The Aliens have not landed to reclaim their most eccentric spy Mike Huckabee. Reality caught up with ol’ Rudolph, and it looks like Romney finally realized how much of his worth he’s spent and quit. He still took the opportunity of him being a bitch to slide in a ‘the terrorists will win if a Democrat is elected’…classy.

I am, however, pleasantly pleased at the schism that is is widening within the Republican party with regards to their candidates. Why am I pleased? Well, conflict equals entertainment for me–especially when both sides are equally retarted.

The Jesus freaks (i think the media calls them ‘the religious right’) hate John McCain because he doesn’t say ‘jesus church terrorists illegal mexicans sanctityoflife 9/11 christian values’ nearly enough, and the Moderate Republicans seem to be much more Centrist now more than ever as they appear to just be realizing that their ‘Christian values’ might not be the best set of working knowledge of which to try and run a governments’ foreign policy or manage a 13 trillion dollar economy.

I think McCain has too much working knowledge of the government for the Jesus Freaks to like him. They really don’t care what you plan to do about anything outside of their 3 or 4 talking points. Address anything outside of that and you’ll get blank stares. The biggest problem with McCain for Conservatives is that he agrees with Democrats too much and talks about Jesus too little, and we ALL know that logical compromise is not a widely accepted quality in the Republican party. A pseudo-compromise for most Republicans usually involves a backhoe and President Reagans’ reanimated corpse (sorry freaks, we do NOT have the technology to rebuild him–yet). But hey, maybe if you quit blocking genetic research!

The more that I peruse some of the KC conservative rightwingretarded blogs, I’m struck by their insistence on placing Rudolph G as the ‘frontrunner’ of the Republican party–even outside of the fact that it’s clear his campaign is falling apart. I’ve tried to use 100% of my flawless logic skills to figure out why these people LOVE Rudy so much. Sadly, my narcolepsy acts up whenever I think of this dude too much in one sitting. Therefore, I only used about 3% of my brainpower to come up with the simplist, most appropriate solution (which coincidentally is about as much brainpower as most conservatives use on a daily basis) to this obsession with him: 9/11. Rudy has become the FACE, the EMBODIMENT, the HUMAN REPRESENTATION of September 11th.

You show me an uberconservative, right-wing, rural Republican–and I’ll show you someone who: 1) Has never been to New York City (much less the state) 2) Never heard of Rudolph until September 11th 2001. 3) Still believes IRAQ flew planes into the buildings. But since these people have been unable to process the shitty events of that day, they try and maintain the closest connection with the event as possible. Enter Rudolph. The blind support defies conventional logic and reason..he’s a mayor for sciences’s sake.

Maybe they look at him and see Jack Bauer.

 Terrorism includes the exploitation and promotion of fear, and some of you morons are still falling for this shit.

hy·poc·ri·sy n. pl. hy·poc·ri·sies

1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.

2. An act or instance of such falseness.

1) Bob Allen

[Republican (obviously), Florida State Representative]

Allen, who is also the chairman of John McCains’ presidential (yeah, right) committee, was spotted by police in Titusville, Florida on July 11th ‘acting suspiciously’ at the men’s public toilet in a park. Police sent an undercover cop, and within minutes he had offered $20 to the cop to allow Allen to give him head action. Allen was arrested on charges of solicitation to COMMIT prostitution.

BEST PART: Here’s the explaination offered by Allen for trying to dome up a Federale: “This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park,” he said in a taped statement, and added that he was worried he would “become another statistic,” meaning that he was concerned he would be assaulted. Interesting…I’ve been in plenty of ’scary black people’ situations, but I never thought of blowing my way to safety.

Now it wasn’t his black dong fantasies that make him a hypocrite, nor the common ’scary Black man’ defense, nor the fact that he’s married with a daughter. Those just make him a gay bigoted adulterer. Take a look at some of the bills that he sponsored last year:

HB 1475 Lewd or Lascivious Exhibition
CS/CS/HB 41 Sexual Offenses
CS/HB 269 Lewdness and Indecent Exposure
HR 597 Sexual Solicitation and Abuse

2) David Vitter

[Republican Senator (of course), Louisiana]

This one’s a little older, but still funny to me. Vitter was one of the people who were found on the ‘DC Madam’ call list last month. The list supposedly has 15,000 names on it. Now we ALL know that most of the wrinkly old men in the capital have probably frequented their share of interns and escorts, but this one was special because of Vitters’ track record. Once his name was released as being on the list NUMEROUS times, Vitter said that he ‘had already asked God and his wife for forgiveness’ and ‘wanted to keep the discussion only between those two.’

BEST PART: In 2004, when Vitter was a congressman running for a seat in the Senate, Vitter campaigned with a promise of “protecting the sanctity of marriage.” He went on to become a co-author of the “Federal Marriage Act” that sought to prohibit courts from interpreting same-sex marriage laws, and said of marriage, “I don’t believe there’s any issue that’s more important than this one.”

Vitter once compared same-sex marriage to hurricanes Katrina and Rita. The first line of his biography reads, “David Vitter is dedicated to making life better for his young family and all Louisiana families.” But then, hypocrisy runs across Vitter’s “young family.” After extramarital affairs were exposed by Louisiana rep and Speaker of the House Bill Livingston were revealed, Vitter’s wife was asked how she would react if her husband had been caught in an affair, like Livingston and Bill Clinton. “I’m a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary [Clinton],” she said. “If he does something like that, I’m walking away with one thing, and it’s not alimony, trust me.”

No lady, we don’t trust you. Nor should you trust your wayward husband, nor should voters trust anything he says about the ’sanctity of marriage.’ By the way, Vitter is also the Southern Regional Chair of Rudy “Thrice married, notorious adulterer, married second cousin” Giuliani’s presidential campaign.

This one actually stood out considering I got it RIGHT after my last post. It was pretty short and to the point. Usually my E-hate comes from people that start each day reading lame ass neocon talking points blogs and then subsequently drift into daydreams about being Bill O’Reilly’s luffa for a day. After a long day of repeating whatever they hear on Faux News, they pray to their Ann Coulter shrines and drift to sleep with fond thoughts of a heterogeneous, intolerant, all White America. Here’s a little taste:

“…Whoever you are you are such an ignorant asshole for the things that you write. You people have no idea what it takes to keep the terrorists from winning and your socialist blogs are part of the porblem [sic]. You should be charged with treason. You never write about any of the positive things that are going on in Iraq, only the violence, just like the media and you should be ashamed [sic]…”

Actually, I’m positive that the author of this masterpiece is a regular on this hot diarrhea sandwich known as ‘The Chatterbox Chronicles,’ which I used to ‘read’ and comment on for my random rage dosage until she began deleting my comments after being unable to respond. Why read anyways? I dunno, maybe I like punishing myself. Anyways, there was a White pride rally going on in some comments on a post about ‘How the White man is now the enemy in America, blah blah, persecuted, blah blah.’

I shit on all of them using magic I call L-O-G-I-C and F-A-C-T-S…..and got my gloriously masterful responses deleted.

How rude!

So in honor of my new e-BFF, I will talk about something in Iraq other than American or Iraqi bodyparts or failed military strategy. Okay, here we go. Um…hang on a second. Uhhhhmmmm………got one!

From the AP:

Iraq’s national government is refusing to take possession of thousands of American-financed reconstruction projects, forcing the United States either to hand them over to local Iraqis, who often lack the proper training and resources to keep the projects running, or commit new money to an effort that has already consumed billions of taxpayer dollars.

The conclusions, detailed in a report released Friday by the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction, a federal oversight agency, include the finding that of 2,797 completed projects costing $5.8 billion, Iraq’s national government had, by the spring of this year, accepted only 435 projects valued at $501 million. Few transfers to Iraqi national government control have taken place since the current Iraqi government, which is frequently criticized for inaction on matters relating to the American intervention, took office in 2006.

The United States often promotes the number of rebuilding projects, such as power plants and hospitals, that have been completed in Iraq, citing them as signs of progress in a nation otherwise fraught with violence and political stalemate. But closer examination by the inspector general’s office, headed by Stuart W. Bowen Jr., has found that a number of individual projects are crumbling, abandoned or otherwise inoperative only months after the United States declares that they have been successfully completed.

There ya go!

Maybe I’m by myself of this one, but I thought we’d had enough of getting shot with our own weapons. The government calls it ‘blowback,’ which is when some military operation comes back to kick everyone directly in the balls (see: Afghanistan 1970 to right damn now). I call it bullshit. Like most people with half a brain know, we armed the Afghan fighters to ‘resist’ the Commies in the Soviet-Afghan War. Turns out, the Afghans hated our guts too, and now look where we are–stuck in that shithole getting shot by our own weapons. That, comrades, is major league blowback.

So imagine my suprise when I see the headline today that King George II and his lackies (lookin’ at you COONdelezza) have decided that the surefire way to hold Iran in check and stabilize the Middle East is to GIVE THEM $43 BILLION IN ARMS. What kind of fuckery is this? The ‘plan’ involves giving military assistance weapons to Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, the United Arab Emirates, Israel, Qatar, Bahrain and Oman.

This, of course, is right after news that King George II wants to have a ‘Middle East Peace Conference,’ that at this point seems to amount to him crying that nobody will help him punk Iran. Does it really help us to have even sharper divisions in the Arab world? I can almost guarantee that there will be some type of confrontation with Iran before this bag of assholes leaves office next year. Maybe they are trying to start another war in an attempt to clean the egg off their faces for the current hugely disastrous failure. Iran, of course, released a statement in response to the plan:

“America has always considered one policy in this region and that is creating fear and concerns in the countries of the region and trying to harm the good relations between these countries,” Foreign Ministry spokesman Mohammad Ali Hosseini told reporters in Tehran. “What the Persian Gulf region needs is security, stability, peace, prosperity and economic development,” he said.

What can I really expect though? These are the same lunatics that think giving teachers guns in their classrooms will stop school shootings. I guess if you follow that flawed logic than you somehow believe more weapons in the Gulf will help peace, and I wish the best for you and your dementia.

F