I am one of the most outspoken critics of idiotic popular trends you will ever meet, which includes (but not limited to): Below the ass sagging, 5XL t-shirts, belt buckles + cowboy boots (grownups shouldn’t play dress up), skinny man jeans (wtf), the entire ‘goth’ thing, girls-that-wear-titties-out-clothes-and-then-complain-when-you-stare-at-said-titties-thing, et cetera. I’ve had my hands full doing my best to ridicule these people into staying indoors at all times, but I’ve been meaning to write about something I’d forgotten about that was beyond my legendary logic and reasoning skills.

This apparently is only happening in Long Island and Jersey as far as I know, but maybe it’s in other places on the East and West coasts that I’m not cool enough to get into. After some research, I found out that these…people… are referred to as ‘guidos,’ by others who find this fad absurd–but I’m not sure if that’s an epithet or not. Thing is, I’m pretty sure that most of these idiots are either Italian, Arab or Israeli but I’ve deduced that Guido is simply a cancerous, disgusting subculture that can develop in any ethnic group. Well, almost any, as I’m pretty sure guido doesn’t come in Black.

I saw this once before on some MTV ‘True Life’ Jersey special, and I remember being amazed at the obscene amounts of vanity that the dudes displayed. Guys tanning, trading lip gloss, and wearing makeup in between steroid injections and going to the gym. I don’t understand. Yes, I’m aware that for those of you who are from out East may be like ‘this is old news,’ but I’m a Midwest boy and shit like this around here earns you an instant ass kickings and ostracizing. We may not be at the upper echelons of whatever is considered stylish these days, but we don’t subscribe to corny shit either. This is honestly gheyer than ghey. Not to be confused with G-A-Y people, whom are far above this nonsense.

When did masculinity take a nosedive in our society? At present it’s been reduced to who can shoot who, how big your rims are, how many kids you can have and not raise, and apparently how closely you can resemble a woman. Good hygiene is one thing, but plucking eyebrows, spray tans, and infinite amounts of hairgel is beyond me. Do women actually seek this? What sucks even worse is that baggy clothes are still considered the style scourge and is all anybody seems to talk about (three guesses why), when on the lameness scale it doesn’t even compare to this douchery.

Yes, that’s lip gloss–and YES his lips are puckered. The man kissy-face is actually their preferred way to get pictures taken. To add insult to injury, they actually call this hairstyle a ‘blowout,’ which should be offensive to anybody Black. This is not a blowout, idiots. I rocked a real blowout for a minute, and it didn’t require hair glue to make it stand up.

I loathe style trends, because it only serves as visual evidence that people are stupid. There are a few people in some gigantic corporate oligopolies around the world that decide what the sheep will buy next. Usually they put it on someone famous, and the idiots line up to buy their overpriced shit–only to call it lame in 6 months. Maybe I’ll just have to wait for this to go away, but I do take comfort in the fact that these images are permanently on the the internets and will follow these idiots around FOREVER.

^peep the lean, pose, gloss, pucker, and disregard for shirt buttons. Style perfection.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 at 12:29 am and is filed under annoyances. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.