Wife was lucky enough to be paying close enough attention to the interwebz news outlets when the Killer Whale story broke that she actually caught them changing the story on the fly. We’ve all heard the story about the trainer who drowned in the tank, but the media changed the story from what actually happened to what SeaWorld would prefer happened.

‘The whale, confused by the trainers’ ponytail, bit her hair and dragged her underwater until she drowned” …really? Have you ever taken a good look at an their teeth? Of course you haven’t, so here you go:

Do those look capable of grasping onto someone’s ponytail and pulling them underwater? Umm No. Have biologists ever recorded ‘dragging down to the bottom and drowning’ as a method in which these things hunt? Hell no. Most Killer Whales eat other large whales and sharks, and I doubt that’s the best way to kill them.

The factual account, from multiple eye witnesses, was that the whale grabbed the trainer by the waist and began thrashing her around as people were screaming and alarms went off. It shook her ’so violently that her shoe flew off’. Clearly this is not the story that SeaWorld wants to get out, otherwise their main revenue generator has just gone bye bye. A ‘confused whale’ that mistakenly got the trainers hair stuck in it’s mouth and unintentionally drowned her is a much more palatable story and reads as an accident. Nobody wants to bring their toddlers to the next show knowing the ‘trainers’ might get bitten in half–nobody wants to sign their kid up for that many years of intense psychotherapy.

What about a Killer Whale killing is an accident? I’m pretty tired of humans trying to reassert dominance over animals to a point where we get confused when wild animals act like wild animals. Like when that lady got her face and hands ripped CLEAN OFF  by a chimp she’d been raising as a child and people didn’t understand why it happened. “He’d always been such a nice chimp”..are you people serious? He was being nice because he hadn’t eaten you yet?

People were similarly confused when a damn tiger bit the neck out of dude from Sigfried and Roy. It’s a tiger, it eats meat. You are meat. Please try and follow my logic. Tigers are higher than humans on the food chain when there are no weapons involved. No matter how much you people think you’ve trained a wild animal, you haven’t.

Another one I just remembered was Timothy Treadwell aka ‘Grizzly Man’ who lived in the Alaskan wilderness amongst the bears. I watched some special on the guy as he talked into his camera about how the bears would never harm them because ‘they thought of him as a friend.’ Fast forward to October 5, 2003–him AND his girl got mauled AND PARTIALLY EATEN by a wild grizzly. The worst part about that one is that his girl was afraid of bears and didn’t want to camp in known bear feeding areas (=smart woman undone by an irrational man), but he convinced her they’d be fine. After all, he KNOWS the bears.

The mangled remains of Treadwell and Huguenard were discovered by a Kodiak air taxi pilot who arrived at their campsite to pick them up. Treadwell’s disfigured head, partial backbone, and right forearm/hand still wearing his wrist watch were recovered at the scene. Huguenard’s partial remains were found near the encampment, partially buried in a mound of twigs and dirt. A large male grizzly (tagged Bear 141) protecting the campsite was killed by park rangers during their attempt to retrieve the bodies. A second adolescent bear was also killed a short time later after it charged the park rangers. A necropsy revealed human body parts such as fingers and limbs.

Let wild animals be wild and stop pretending that you’re in a Disney movie. ‘The Jungle Book’ isn’t real, and wild animals don’t want to be your friend and sing you carefully choreographed show tunes.

F FAILS, annoyances

I never really wrapped my brains around the fact that most of the information that most Americans receive is filtered through some 3rd party source. Networks have corporate structures and advertising benefactors that have the final word with every story that comes across their desk. It doesn’t get mentioned if they don’t want it to get mentioned. If you watch the local evening news ( i do, purely to raise my daily entertainment quotient), you’ll see the spin at work. Some of the liberties that these broadcasts take with facts border on the unbelievable, whereas many are subtle.

The hot topic here in KC is a Black serial rapist who has been running around…well..raping people…in a middle/upper middle class mostly White area of the metro called Waldo. The local Fox (of course) affiliate leads with this story every night these days, talking about how locals are stocking up on guns and self defense courses. Some White guy in this area decided to follow a Black guy who ‘fit the description’ of the rapist all the way to the guys’ house on the other side of the state line. The story championed this guys’ idiotic efforts in vigilantism, regardless of the fact that the guy didn’t match any part of the description besides being Black.

The local CBS affiliate took a decidedly different approach and interviewed police, who told people not to try and take the law into their own hands and spoke against people doing foolish things like the guy mentioned above. The residents of the area that were interviewed were the people who felt safe that the police would do their job and catch the guy, and weren’t suspicious of every Black guy that drove down their block. He reassured residents that they were indeed safe and there were now 10 detectives and 2 sergeants working full time to catch the rapist.

Fox structures their stories on the topic in a way that is meant to amplify fears and illicit ridiculous behavior and vigilantism. This is to be expected, as local news is highly sensationalized and geared towards promoting the agenda of whomever they receive their marching orders from. Black on White violence is so front-page worthy that I shouldn’t have to explain the marketability.

It appears that the standing, permanent order is to continue the ‘dangerous Negro on the loose’ nightmare scenario. I work about 3 blocks from this area, and I’ve curtailed my driving in that area to ZERO. I’d prefer to avoid having to explain to the police that “No, officer, I’m not a rapist—I’m just a Black guy.” I feel as though that would really put a damper on whatever I had planned that day.

As for the rapist, he’d clearly be much better off raping Black women if he has any interest in remaining out of jail.

Everyone except one person hopes that they catch dude, most importantly so that the rapes will stop but also so that we can get back to regular levels of racial generalization and profiling—the kind most minorities are very accustomed to.

F wtf

No, I don’t think capitalism in and of itself is the enemy. I do think that as our economy continues to grow it’s become more and unreasonable to pursue hugely expansive growth without recognizing the downsides of an economic infrastructure based in cyclical ‘growths and troughs’ that become bigger and meaner as we expand. We now have a bubble economy, and each ebb/flow costs more and more. The underlying problem is social, not structural. Even if you went and studied Das Kapital (good luck) and followed his setup to the tee, you still have to deal with inherent greed and the moral hazard that wealth introduces into the system.

Capitalism is FAR from perfect. Capitalism doesn’t care about fairness, equality, or the ‘greatest good’ for the greatest amount of people. The system is designed to remove the wealth from the many and funnel it into the hands of the few. This is why people fail to cite median incomes when they try and talk about the health of the economy. People will foolishly look to the Dow as an indicator of how successful monetary of fiscal policy is. We have created a beast that forces us to bail out industries who we all knew were taking huge risks. Shareholders demand huge returns, year after year, and they don’t care how it’s made. Insurance cartels over complicate coverage, use complex formulations to deny claims. Banks use our money to invest in risky assets and invent complicated derivatives, then force ratings agencies to packaging them as AAA investments and sell them worldwide.

The above being said, we have a system which generally rewards hard work and good business sense with infinite wealth possibilities. It also (wittingly or unwittingly) rewards risky investments, unethical business practices, and further concentrates wealth into the hands of the few. The people that are bitching about socialism now fail to understand that capitalism has created the environment in which we’ve privatized the gains and socialized the losses (see: bailouts).

The government should not run the economy. That is a command system that only kinda works under dictatorship-style leadership with zero innovation or entrepreneurship. The government should, IMO, heavily regulate the economy to a point where businesses must play fair. If it slows growth, fine. If banks are no longer able to invest in bubbles, good. If that means that I shouldn’t expect a 200% return on my stock purchases, than so be it. It’s the governments’ responsibility to PREVENT us from having to decide between hundreds of thousands of Americans losing their jobs or using our taxes to bailout private companies that were greedy enough to get us into these situations to begin with.

Just my 0.02

F politricks, the gubmint

This phenomenon has been boggling my mind for years. That is the incredibly annoying hood characteristic of people invoking where they come from as some sort of proof-positive argument as to why they can beat your ass. This is obviously a defense mechanism devised to actually avoid a physical altercation, generally said as loud as possible and in front of as many people as possible. It’s sort of like that Eddie Murphy bit in Raw where, to avoid getting knocked out, he relies on being loud and acting as crazy as possible as a fight-deterrent. Shit didn’t work in his joke and it doesn’t work on most people in real life. It is most generally applied, in my experience, by people from certain areas in LA, NYC, and the entire state of TX–and every project in between.

The idea is that the area a person hails from somehow correlates to their ability to kick anyone’s teeth all the way in is retarded.

The interwebs are FULL of amateur video clips of some loud tough guy getting knocked cold out by the unassuming shy kid in a parking lot. The only people that I’ve seen this evasion technique work on are unassuming White people who are scared of minorities in general. I have witnessed an Iowa-lookin farm boy knock a self proclaimed ‘thug’ cleeeeean out for trying to punk him at a concert standing in line a few years back. He hit him with the “MFer I’m from East Baltim”—POW. It was the greatest one hitter quitter I’ve seen in person, followed by dude’s boys running the hell away and his girl sat there trying to wake him up from his painful asphalt nap. Damn, I just reminded myself of them pics Suge Knight catching his overdue ass beating. Haha, wait is everybody in LA still scared of this dude?

The ‘I’m from _____________’ only really works if you can fill in the blank with: Port-Au-Prince, Mogadishu (see above), or Bosnia. If you can’t, you might want to work on your fist game instead of your mouthpiece. In an extreme example of how the ‘I’m From______________’ plan goes way wrong, let us not forget what happened to Mac Dre when he tried to play the ‘I’m from Oakland, F*ck Kansas City’ card….in Kansas City. He didn’t make it out. I don’t advocate this level of violence in any situation, but I think people miss the fact that every city, town, and community has a tough guy.There is always someone who can beat your ass, every time. At best, you get your ass beat–at much worse, you end up looking at the business end of someone’s pistola.

There is always someone who keeps it realer, and they don’t give a shit where you come from.

F annoyances

I haven’t bought a retail CD in quite a while. I just bought Cuban Linx II, and right now I’m giving it a couple more days to settle in before I can give an accurate assessment of how I feel about it. My initial feelings right now are mixed at best.

Through the magical powers of the internets, I had a copy of B3 a several weeks before it came out so I’ve had plenty of time to absorb what it has to offer and let the tracks/vocals roll around in my brains. I only buy hard copies of albums if I’ve heard them before and I like them. I’m picky with my funds like that. Never mind the ’support the artist’ BS, it’s more about bitrates and sound quality for me. MP3s sound like garbage, even on good speakers. Anyways,  for some reason it’s always a nostalgic feeling sitting in my car getting pissed at the plastic wrapping that’s being absurdly difficult. B3 was no different.

Overall the disc was surprisingly good, and certainly a refreshing dose to help me get Kingdom Come completely out of my memory.  Out of 15 tracks, 6 are excellent. That’s a 40% Banger Rate with isn’t too shabby. I tried to clear my mind of unrealistic expectations (cough..Reasonable Doubt II…cough)

Wins (6): = Bangers that get heavy rotation

1) What We Talkin’ About:

First off, track one of any disc is the most important. It has to set the tone for the album, yet no album should be front heavy and then taper off. This one accomplishes a solid premise for the album, the tone is pure Jay. In the first couple of bars dismisses the Game ‘beef’, much in the way a fly is unconsciously shooed away without even looking in it’s direction.  Usually  In case you didn’t know, Game has been riding EXTRA hard on Jay and Beyonce (?) recently, essentially trying to goad him into a battle so that his name is mentioned in hiphop circles again. It didn’t work, but you can hear some possible references to him in other songs. Anyways, the beat instantly reminded me off that Mobb Deep track ft NaS ‘ Its Mine‘ (which coincidentally is still dope). I liked it then and I like it here. Plenty of quoteables.

3) DOA

Everyone’s heard this track. I liked it on it’s first spin, and I still like it. This is one of No ID’s best works to date. I love the electric guitar and how skeletal and unpolished the beat feels. Its extremely appropriate for the flow, plus the lyrical content is highly amusing to me.

4) Run This Town

Probably the song of the year. I’m not sure what it is about Rhianna’s voice, but the way she’s being utilized on choruses seems to fit her vocals perfectly. Its an ethereal, monotonous heavy note. Not sure who to credit the lion’s share of the production to, but Ye and No ID once again created a monster with this one. This has to be the 4th or 5th time that I can remember Ye’s verse usurping Jay (who had two mediocre verses on a flagship song…come on Jay).

7) On To the Next One

Club beat that actually works here, I’d damn near forgotten about Swizz Beats and his easily recognizable production. The flow is excellent, although the material leaves quite a bit to be desired. That being said, it fits for the feel of this one. There are some classic lines here, and it bangs hard. Truck music.

10) Venus vs. Mars

What an odd, odd track. I expect it’s the oddities of the production that makes me like this one, also I love when bars are overlaid/crossfaded into each other–creating the audial illusion of Jay featuring Jay. I might end up hating this track in a month, but right now I’m feeling it.

12) Hate

I love every single beat and bar of this shit. Drunken beat matched with comically drunken flows from both Ye and Jay. Another absolute truck banger.

Meh (4): Don’t have much to write about these, sometimes I’ll skip them, sometimes I wont.

5) Empire State of Mind

It took me a couple of times to get under this track, there’s nothing overtly wrong with it–just more of the anthemy style that some love. Me, not so much.

9) A Star is Born

There’s nothing overly lame about this one, although there’s nothing overly dope either.

11) Already Home

Again, uninspired flow. The collabo seems forced for whatever reason….

14) So Ambitious

Definitely a Neptunes track, which I approve of, but the track was still flat in general.

Fails (5): These are definite skips that detract from the overall expected lyrical/production quality of B3.

2) Thank You

This was a miss for me, it sounds like it was intended for release on Kingdom Come. There are some good bars here, but overall it sounds like filler that’s slightly out of place with the overall tone of the album. Had this been the intro track I would have been worried off top. Most of the flow sounds phoned in  and there isn’t anything creative in the production by Ye and No ID. Bleh.

6) As Real As it Gets (Ft Jeezy)

Uninspired flow, redundant anthemy production. I never understood the draw of Jeezy on certain tracks, and his lackuster flow pulls down an already unappealing song.

7) Off That

Club beat that DOESN’T work. Uninspired flow, and I expect for from Timbaland.

13) Reminder

Skip. Ugh.

15) Young Forever

No, Nien, Nope. We’ve seen Jay’s ability to follow just about any cadence by altering his flow (on this album and most of his others), but this one just seems forced and awkward. I like Mr Hudson’s chorus, but everyone knows choruses only have the ability to enhance already good songs–nothing more. Don’t expect it to carry a bad concept, which is what this song was.

Wait, the albums over on that one?

F muzik

1) Lauryn Hill:

Where the FUX is Lauryn Hill?? Whenever I happen upon a picture of her, she looks more and more weeded out–surrounded by grimy kids and not in front of a microphone. Now that I think of it, I’d rather her stay as far away from a hot mic as possible. Perhaps I should clarify, where is Lauryn Hill v.1998? Oh right, the iPod. There hasn’t been a female artist even REMOTELY approaching her talent to fill the gap–singing or rapping. Music in general suffered when she decided to lose her grip.

2) D’Angelo:

Sadly, the combination of a fan base made up entirely of horny women and nose candy didn’t work for your boy; and nine years without an album is unforgivable with the level of talent he exhibited in just two albums. Shit took a turn went he went buck for that Untitled/How Does It Feel joint, and the women stopped caring about his vocal talent, therefore he was showered with “TAKE IT OFF!” at his shows so much that he lost his damn marbles. He’s supposed to have a new joint this winter, but I’m not holding my breath for that shit. I suppose Maxwell has filled that void to a certain extent, but D’Angelo had better range and a more soulful feel to his work that I definitely miss. I’ve always got Al Green’s greatest hits…

F muzik, wtf

If you ever wondered why the US is lagging the rest of the developed world in educating our children in the sciences and mathmatics, look no further than our absurd ideologies.

According to a 2001 Gallup poll, about 59% of Americans believe that “God created humans and dinosaurs pretty much in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years or so.”

wtf.

wtf.

wtf.

If you take your kids to the Creation ‘Museum’, you should follow that visit up with a trip to Child Protective Services. I understand that you want your kids to become oblivious to logic believe what you believe, but this is actually retarding their intellectual development. How do you expect your children to reconcile what they’re learning about REAL, ACCEPTED, PROVEN evolutionary biology–with images of dinosaurs with saddles, Adam and Eve, and repeated claims that the Earth is 6,000 years old?

Your child, unless you have them in some sort of super-Religious indoctrination facility school (yes, home ’school’ qualifies) will be laughed at because of your own inability to reconcile your faith with generally accepted logical thought. You can’t just insert your own truths when its convenient for you and your faith. Best part is, we’ll have a whole segment of the population who’s answer to everything is ‘Jesus.’

Good luck in a real college Junior, but you’ll certainly excel here, here, or here.

It appears that since Christians couldn’t make Evolutionary Biology work with the Bible, they simply created their own history. This isn’t to say that ALL Christians do this, because there are plenty of religious people who simply separate the logical and faith sides of their brains and that apparently works for them. Shit like this is for the evangelical ‘fire-and-brimstone’ types who also believe that the devil makes people do bad things.

If you happen to fall victim to a conversation with one of these weirdos, do not attempt to speak rationally or logically to them. You will cause yourself an unavoidable aneurysm.

Logic  is not a language that all people are fluent in.

F annoyances, religious bullshit, wtf

When I’m not making amazingly precise insights about everything, I take great pleasure in pointing out other people’s failures. We are surrounded by infinite amounts of failure on a daily basis. In order to keep from losing my mind, I need others to see the visual representations of humanities’ shortcomings. Luckily, the CrackBerry® has camera and I don’t miss much.

Here’s a couple of recent ones.

Wife found this one behind our ‘nice’ hotel behind Vanderbilt University in Nashville. I didn’t include the roach traps that were underneath this sign. Gross.

Parking lot at work. Why, Jeebus?

FailFailFailFailFailFailFailFail.

F FAILS

A Guide to Christian Clichés and Phrases

from here

A couple of my personal favorites:

“I believe this because the Bible says so.”

Translation: “I have no clue about the history of that big book I’m in love with, and I don’t care either, because it’s God’s Word, and if God said it, it must be true.”
Acceptable Response: “Amen.”
Unacceptable Response: “It also says to kill homosexuals.” They might heartily agree to that one, which in case the unacceptable response becomes, “It also says to kill your children when they talk back. Have your children ever talked back?” Or, “Explain to me the authorship and transmission of the Bible, and why you think it’s God’s Word.” Or especially, “Jesus said to give anything to those who ask of you – and not only to give what they ask, but more. So please give me your wallet and your car.”

“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”

Translation: “I’m a flaming fundamentalist.”
Acceptable Response: “Amen.”
Unacceptable Response: “That’s a relief, because I’m a homosexual transvestite in an interracial relationship.”

“It takes more faith to be an Atheist than a Christian.”

Translation: “I don’t really understand atheism or how it’s possible not to believe in a god.”
Acceptable Response: “That’s right, brother. Denying God is like denying gravity.”
Unacceptable Response: “Believing in something without evidence takes faith. Not believing in something without evidence takes intelligence.”

“Atheism is a religion.”

Translation: “Atheism is a religion because everyone believes there is a god, right?”
Acceptable Response: “They know there is a God and they reject him and hate him! They will burn in hell forever!”
Unacceptable Response: ”Calling ‘atheism’ a religion is like calling ‘bald’ a hair color.” (Don Hirschberg) Or, “If atheism is a religion, then not collecting stamps is a hobby.”

El Oh El.

F annoyances, religious bullshit

I’m fiercely protective of my childhood memories. During the latest rehash of movie studios trying to tap into new markets and exploit our collective nostalgia with throwback movies, I realized the shit has gone too far once I saw the GI JOE previews. Marlon Wayans, jumping around in some sort of zero-gravity ninja suit in some sort of CGI obsessed nightmare. No thanks.

If you’re going to get into the GI universe, you need to get ALL the way in. I just remembered how dope Snake-Eyes was. Which is why I was always him when we played GI JOE in my backyard.

The reason why the recent Transformers Movies worked so well is because they (generally) stuck to the storyline of the original. They attracted new generations of kids because that formula will always work:

ƒ($$$) = ∑ (giant robots + guns + cars)³ + [(megan fox) − (her clothes)]

That, my friends, is my unified field theory of big-ass movie cash money.

Part of what MADE classic shows like Voltron, Thundercats, Transformers, SilverHawks, He-Man, Ninja Turtles and GI Joe wasn’t the artwork. It was great storytelling and awesome characters/dialogue. They even managed to weave in some sort of moral directive so that we all understood what the right thing to do was in everyday situations. I personally learned, watching GI Joe, that bad guys guns’ shoot red lasers and good guys shoot blue. All the American action cartoons after the classics were trying too hard to be like them. Every successful cartoon had a retarded spinoff that nobody watched.

Maybe I’m too quick to judge GI JOE. Maybe it’ll be a great movie. Odds are, it won’t be. People take their nostalgia seriously, and there are people WAY older than me who remember GI JOE from 1950 and might go see this movie. I suspect they might expect to see a great movie and be sorely disappointed.

I hear they’re working on a Thundercats movie as we speak. Why?

I guess nobody has had an original idea since 1985.

F randomness