^stimulus money well spent.

What do you plan on doing with your stimulus check? I’m assuming, of course, that you are actually going to receive one as a taxpayer. If you aren’t a taxpayer, then you probably don’t have a job…and if you don’t have a job..well, you have other issues and none of this shit applies to you now does it?

I think I’m going to actually do the opposite of what the Administration wants me to do with this failed attempt of economic recovery. There are a lot of people who I know who have already earmarked that money to engage in the most useless of economic stimuli, conspicuous consumption. There are going to be LOTS of new gators and fancy suits purchased. Lots of new rims and stereo systems, and I think barflies are going to order more expensive cognacs than they usually do. Jigs will be balling out of control for approximately one calendar week.

What’s funny is that all that useless spending is exactly what people are betting on. You’ll blow through that money buying shit that you don’t need–millions of citizens tripping over each other to hurry and give the money right back to the same group of idiots. I’m going to try and be on the other side of the financial information equation in that I want to invest/save the money. Recessions are an inevitable part of the business cycle, and often it’s needed to clear out the market imperfections in any normally functioning capitalist economy. Hilariously, people are holding to the textbook definition that we need ‘two consecutive periods of negative economic growth,’ which means you don’t know you’re in a recession until you’re in one. Well F what you heard, we’re in one. So you basically have two options.

1) Be a good little consumer-bitch and give the money back.

2) Pretend you have an ounce of common sense and preserve your ability to cause economic leakages and save that money. Start a Roth IRA. Put a decent portfolio together of stocks together and make that cash make more cash. If you can read and have over 100 IQ points between your ears, you can beat the market. Most large cap stocks are essentially on sale right now. You can’t make money any easier (well, without a strong pimp hand and a team of hoe-ass-hoes at least), since these stocks will inevitably pick back up on the other side of the recession. This is what rich people have been doing forever and it’s part of the reason that they are a part of the leisure class. These people live off of interest, bond coupon payments, and dividends–that’s the world I want a part of.

I know that most people will choose option one, and be perfectly happy that they did. What I’m hoping is that we start to shift this nation’s priorities from ‘consumption is king’, into promoting saving. People spend so much time trying to impress others with expensive shit that they really can’t afford it’s perplexing. Amazing how only a few people are paying attention to the erosion of the middle class and the widening gaps between rich as hell and broke as fuck. I guess my only question is:

Do people really want to win, or just look good losing?

pic stolen from H8, and i make no apologies.

^LoL.

Usually basketball bores my pants off (WOW you’re 7 feet tall and you can dunk. Not impressed). It’s not a physical enough game for me. But I decided to do my duty as a Black man this year and watch the Final Four. I seriously hate the time in between NFL seasons, luckily the UFC upped the number of fights it schedules and one of my 8 thousand cable channels shows lots of PrideFC. I’ve played my share of ball, but my style of ‘playing’ usually ends up in fights. Anyways, the best part about basketball–clearly–is someone (that isn’t you) getting dunked on. The second best part is when someone takes a picture of it and puts it online.

Congrats to Kansas, and my condolences to Joey Dorsey (#3) and his family for not only getting bammed on and losing, but being immortalized on the internets. The internets don’t go away Joey.

Kids, practice your free throws. Chalmers for three!

 I often wonder think about how wonderful it must be to be obliviously ignorant. This is not to say that I am all-knowing by any stretch, but I like to think of myself on the right side of the bell curve with regards to intelligence. I think people age quicker when they’re paying attention, as i found a grey (gray?) hair right on the top of my dome the other day. Next step: arthritis and depends.

I suspect I could become a recluse, living completely off the grid in some mountain cabin somewhere. Maybe then I could re-enter society with a better overall grasp on everything. Or, instead of reaching some type of higher enlightenment a la Walden Ponds’ philosophical powers via Thoreau, i’d completely lose my already frail grip on reality and begin mailing bombs to people like Ted Kaczynski to ’start the revolution.’

Anywhere my eyes happen to settle these days I’m reminded of the pointlessness of 99.9% of the things that occur on a daily basis, and how stupid we are for analyzing the occurences–then analyzing that analysis, then arguing about the validity of the analyses. I’m waiting for some guest speaker on a late-night cable politics show to just go ‘this is fucking pointless,’ and watch Bill O’Reilly or some other idiot try and scramble to save face. Perhaps that’s why they have that fancy time-delay thingy. Weaksauce.

Perhaps people can see the disdain on my face, as they are carrying on in depth conversations about whether or not they should upsize their rims to 22’s with their stimulus check, because 20’s just aren’t cutting it anymore. Seriously? I should think with those three kids that look like you, you could find better use than putting $3500 shiny wheels on your $1500 car. Maybe you should put your kids in a better schools so they can get some attention and positive influence. I’d really hate for them little snot-nosed shits to rob me in 10 years.

You know those jeans that idiots like to wear hanging off their asses? I often see grown men waddling down 63rd street in what MUST be a huge task considering they are unable to take a full step. It must be nice to be so unconcerned with reality that you don’t even have to walk correctly or have your ass out all day and not give a shit. What a closed-end genetic cul-de-sac we humans are.

 If annoyance stinks, I’m the stinkiest asshole on the planet.

Does anyone else kinda laugh to themselves when they walk past the makeup isles at the store? Well, I do. I call them ‘Aisles of Lies’, because that’s exactly what they are. I try to convince myself that not all women are idiots, and that they know that they will never look like the models in the ads. But then again, everyday theres someone famous for apparently being good-looking talking about some kind of creme that makes hideous she-donkeys into super models. I know people are generally malleable and stupid, but damn! I’d like to stand in the lie aisles and just inform the ugly women to give up on the ‘attractive’ thing. Even good looking women feel compelled to spend their money of on face paint in order to look like…i dunno…someone else? Seriously, grow up and get some self esteem.

Sadly, my employer will not pay me for that type of community service–which is near tragic for the population since we have to look at ugly people PLUS all the makeup they have caked on their unfortunate faces.

The ‘cosmetic’ industry is worth BILLIONS and is built on false promises, personal insecurities, and exaggerated claims— much like the Catholic Church. Part of me thinks that the suuUuUuuper uglies should just remove themselves from society, and the other part of me thinks that people shouldn’t give a shit WHAT I think and just do what they want.

Regardless, I don’t think that TV, movies, and magazines should do everything they can to make women feel uglier and fatter than they really are to make profits for their sponsors.

disclaimer: The only reason it bothers me is because I aint making any money off of it. Dammit.

disclaimer #2: Some broads actually NEED it.

^gat damn.

madonna?

bleh!

bleh!

^winner (loser?)

damn.

on second thought, hit the lie aisle ladies.

Please.

to be fair, here’s me without my morning routine: